Life on the Swingset - The Swinging & Polyamory Podcast

December 2016
S	M	T	W	T	F	S

				1	2	3
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31

Wed, 28 December 2016

SS 272: Beyond Kinsey - Sliding Across the Sexuality Spectrum

One of the main reasons that so many of us leave monogamous relationships is the realization that we or our partners may not be as hetero as we thought. Non-monogamy can provide an exceptional opportunity to go beyond Kinsey's Scale, and view the entire spectrum of sexuality that spreads out before us, learning about ourselves in the process. The fluidity of sexuality and sexual expression is often underappreciated in the vanilla world. From straight to gay, to bi, pan, and omni, that's what we're talking about tonight on Life on the Swingset, the Podcast.

As you listen, don't forget to tweet at #sspodcast!

Leave us a review and a five star rating on iTunes! Leave us a review and a five star rating on Stitcher! Subscribe to us on Youtube! Android Users: Download and review our Android App!

Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper’s novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's featured music came via: ▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ SXIP SHIREY in a track titled: Cinnamon Stick, featuring XAVIER. Find more information about Sxip Shirey here, or check out their January 9th, 2017 cd release show at National Sawdust in NYC at 7PM for "A Bottle of Whiskey and a Handful of Bees"!

Today's intro music came courtesy of Vlad Lucan in his track titled Reverse!

Outtakes Music: Tokyo Machine - PIXEL
Outro Music: Tristam - Before We Fade

Direct download: swingset272.mp3
Category:Swingset -- posted at: 10:23am CST

Wed, 21 December 2016

SS 271: Gang Bang The Mailbag 31

Welcome to Gang Bang The Mailbag TRIPLE X (plus 1)! We're recording tonight with a live (and muted) studio audience! As always, questions have been edited for content and clarity. As usual, answers have not been edited for content or clarity! If you have a question for a future listener mailbag, please give us a call at 573-557-9464 and leave us a message, or email us at contact@lifeontheswingset.com. Tonight, Dr. Liz Powell, Mike Joseph, Cooper and Dylan gang bang the mailbag!

As you listen, don't forget to tweet at #sspodcast!

We're sponsored by Castle Megastore, a one stop shop with everything you could want, from wand vibrators, to harnesses, to lube and condoms, to a complete suite of BDSM equipment including sex furniture. If you use the promo code SWINGSET at check out you can save 20% on your order.

Tonight we answer the following written questions:

My road into non-monogamy has been a twisted and challenging path. My 13-year marriage ended last year partly because of an incompatibility around the potential for opening our marriage.

When I started dating I tried to be very open with women about my desire for non-monogamy and live a polyamourous life that includes swinging and sometimes a little kink and BDSM. Through dating apps like Tinder I have met many wonderful women and had some great relationships develop. I have tremendously transparent conversations with these women. Most run for the hills after to non-monogamy talk, some are intrigued and go along with it for a while, but in the end these relationships mostly follow the same pattern. The woman is okay with other partners in the beginning, but as time passes she always has a difficult time with the non-monogamy and it ends or goes to the friend zone. Otherwise the woman wants a “don’t ask don’t tell” or “friends with benefits” approach, which to me is just single dating rather than ethical non monogamy. It is impossible to have intimacy without transparency.

Where does one go to find women who are already there in the poly/swinger community who are looking for other poly/swing single partners? Are there any better strategies for finding women more directly who already share these values?

Aaron from Canada

My brief backstory: 50ish male, married for twenty-something years. I have always struggled with attraction, crushes, and even feelings for, and from, others. Monogamy isn't actually what I want, and, in the spirit of a good mid-life crisis, I'm not getting any younger.

Being aware of the trauma that this might cause my wife, I have introduced the topic gently and slowly. She has reacted... well, it's hard to say. There has been no screaming and crying, which I guess is a good sign. The best description of her reaction is "ninja-level avoidant", as she deflects my every attempt to explore this in depth.

An example: after a recent talk she said "you've given me a lot to think about".

I realise what I want most is to have the relationship communication skills that are necessary to be non-monogamous in the first place. To have the openness that I hear others describe in their relationships. It's not even principally about the swinging anymore. I have communication envy!

So how do I learn to communicate like a non-monogamous person? And how do I teach someone else to do this? Is it possible?

My husband I have been in the swing lifestyle since we first started dating 6 years ago. Along the way, I have developed more romantic feelings for some of our partners, while things remain mainly about friendship and sex for my husband. I've tried to hide my feelings which has resulted in a lot of hurt. We are trying to figure out how to move forward when I feel more poly and he still feels more like a swinger and isn't interested in developing romantic relationships. I'm having trouble finding resources that talk about how to successfully move between the two.

Kara

Today I found out, in a convoluted way, that a long-term male partner of mine sexually assaulted someone. I don't know the any details. I don't know when it happened, or what happened afterwards. I do know that women don't lie about sexual assault. I also learned two others say they witnessed him pushing boundaries or putting women in uncomfortable situations , and that he's seen as a "missing stair" in some subsets of our local kink community.

This is someone I love. Someone I've only ever had positive, affirming, respectful experiences with. Someone I trusted with my life (and I'm an angry, suspicious, mostly-lesbian hardcore feminist killjoy who rarely trusts anyone).

What should I do?

Oh, and just to make things even more complicated, this partner's live-in partner is also my partner. We're a triad. Do I tell her? How?

In answering this question, Dylan lamented not reading the question before he read it as he wanted to have a more prepared answer. Dr. Liz on the other hand was able to respond quickly and effectively on ways to address members of the community to who have violated boundaries and support people who have had their boundaries violated, and how to both repair and grow the larger community after. Visit a compilation of resources Dr. Liz put together here.

We took a little time at the end of the episode for business. Dr. Liz put out a new video on Youtube titled "What's the 'Friend Zone' Anyway?"

Mike Joseph has been speaking lately on behalf of the Jed Foundation, a NYC based organization empowering teens and young adults with the skills and support to grow into healthy thriving adults. Visit them at www.jedfoundation.org.

You can also always find Mike Joseph at his podcast the Jheri Curl Chronicles Radio Show at www.popblerd.com.

Leave us a review and a five star rating on iTunes! Leave us a review and a five star rating on Stitcher! Subscribe to us on Youtube! Android Users: Download and review our Android App!

Today's intro music came via: ▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ SXIP SHIREY in a track titled: Cinnamon Stick, featuring XAVIER. Find more information about Sxip Shirey here, or check out their January 9th, 2017 cd release show at National Sawdust in NYC at 7PM for "A Bottle of Whiskey and a Handful of Bees"!

Reading Reviews Music: Haywyre - Sculpted
Outro Music: DROELOE - Bon Voyage

Direct download: swingset271.mp3
Category:Swingset -- posted at: 8:19pm CST

Wed, 14 December 2016

SS 270: Gang Bang The Mail Bag XXX

Welcome to Gang Bang The Mailbag TRIPLE X! That's right, this is our thirtieth listener mailbag episode, and we're recording tonight with a live (and muted) studio audience! As always, questions have been edited for content and clarity. If you have a question for a future listener mailbag, please give us a call at 573-557-9464 and leave us a message. Tonight, Dr. Liz Powell, Mike Joseph, Cooper and Dylan gang bang the mailbag!

As you listen, don't forget to tweet at #sspodcast!

Tonight we answer a voicemail question on how to maintain long distance play relationships, and the following written questions:

I'm a big fan of the podcast,of you as people and of all you're doing for people in the lifestyle. First of all I would like to say as a black man I appreciated the episode on Polyamorous as a Person of Colour, granted my experiences are a different as I am from a majority black country(Jamaica) so I swing with mostly black people.

Is being in fuck with someone a thing? Meaning you're not in love with them but you and them have a unique sexual chemistry. Is this a thing, can you be in love, just with having sex with someone?

I'm married to a great guy in a monogamous relationship. My fantasy has always been to have an MFM threesome. I finally found the courage to mention this to him a couple years ago, and he was cautious but excited about exploring; he could tell it really turned me on. The question has been who - we both want it to be someone we know well enough that we trust them, and I'm pretty picky. So we haven't really pursued it.

Well, we finally have someone in mind. Here's the thing: he's married. He and I originally met at burning man, and since then the four of us have all gotten to know each other. His wife is great. She jokes about his "girlfriends" and he implies they have some flexibility, but I'm not sure exactly what that means. When I asked him if they are poly, he said no, he doesn't like that term. So I don't really know if she'd be cool with it.

What is the protocol for trying to move things forward? I'd feel pretty comfortable asking the third if he'd be into it. I'd feel less comfortable asking his wife's "permission." Whatever happens, I don't want to foul up our friendship. (FWIW we don't have an interest in swinging at the moment.) What would you do?

Oh, and assuming the third is into it, any tips for keeping things sexy and comfortable for us? My husband is a little nervous how he'll feel seeing his wife with another man!

Leave us a review and a five star rating on iTunes! Leave us a review and a five star rating on Stitcher! Subscribe to us on Youtube! Android Users: Download and review our Android App!

Outtakes Music: Tokyo Machine - Pixel
Intro Music: Soupandreas & inverness - Tumbling Down
Reading Reviews Music: Haywyre - Sculpted
Outro Music: Hush - Ruimtevaart

Direct download: swingset270.mp3
Category:Swingset -- posted at: 9:30am CST

Wed, 7 December 2016

SS 269: Dating on the Outskirts of Sexuality - LGBTQ Matchmaking with Claire Ah

Dating in the heteronormative world is difficult. It's also bizarre enough that hundreds of comedies and dramas are made about dating every year. When you zoom down to that subsection of the culture, the minorities of the LGBTQ community who are seeking others in that same minority, it gets more complicated. Tonight we're joined by Claire to talk about dating on the outskirts of sexuality, and LGBTQ matchmaking with Dirty Lola, Dr. Liz Powell, Dylan, and Cooper.

As you listen, don't forget to tweet at #sspodcast!

You can find Claire Ah, matchmaker, at friendofafriendmatchmaking.com!

Leave us a review and a five star rating on iTunes! Leave us a review and a five star rating on Stitcher! Subscribe to us on Youtube! Android Users: Download and review our Android App!

Intro Music: Rogue - Through the Dark, off the Earth EP
Politics Music (near the end): Pegboard Nerds - BADBOI VIP
Outtakes Music: Tokyo Machine - Pixel
Outro Music: Muzzy - Get Crazy (AgNO3 Remix)

Direct download: swingset269.mp3
Category:Swingset -- posted at: 7:11pm CST

Sat, 3 December 2016

SS 268: Being Sex Positive from Inside the Non-Monogamy Closet

A large percentage of us dwell pretty securely within the non-monogamy closet. Friends and family may know something is different about us, but they rarely know fully what is up. That said, we live in a world where being sex-positive and progressive can make a big difference, as can standing with those who are bravely out, so tonight, Dirty Lola, Dr. Liz Powell, Cooper and Dylan talk about how to navigate being sex-positive from inside the non-monogamy closet .

As you listen, don't forget to tweet at #sspodcast!

Leave us a review and a five star rating on iTunes! Leave us a review and a five star rating on Stitcher! Subscribe to us on Youtube! Android Users: Download and review our Android App!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Intro Music: Puppet - Listen to the Storm, off the new Fear is Fleeting EP
Politics Music (in the beginning): Pegboard Nerds - BADBOI VIP
Outtakes Music: Tokyo Machine - Pixel
Outro Music: Hush - Eenhoorn, off the upcoming Ruimtevaart EP

Direct download: swingset268.mp3
Category:Swingset -- posted at: 8:00am CST